Today I got a dog. Well a puppy really. She was 3 months
old, born on the 9th of January, a dark sandy coloured mutt I chose
from the pack of a nearby ex-pat. I have been visiting her on and off for a
couple of weeks- leaving things that smelled like me and reading in the garden
so she could get used to my energy. I read two books about dogs and I spent
almost 100 euros on preparing for her arrival. On Saturday I went with a
deworming tablet from the vet and some anti-flea rub so that she would be all
ready to come to me this morning. Anyone reading this who even knows me a
little will be able to imagine how exciting this was for me. That would be a
given to anyone who has ever met me. What people may not so quickly grasp is
that getting Lala Alika was more than just a new puppy to play with. It was a
source of great comfort and relief to me that I would be getting a dog for both
companionship and safety. I have been living alone in the orphanage building,
kind of camping out, while we prepare the house and I have been counting down
the days till I would no longer be alone and would have Lala as my night-time
companion.
When I went to pick her up at 13:00 the French man who I
normally deal with was not there (in Tana apparently) and instead I spoke to
his Malagasy staff and household. I was told that Lala was not feeling well,
that it had started around the time I had given her the worm pill from the vet
and that she was looking better than that morning. They made it clear they
thought it was my fault (something to do with the treatments I had delivered
over the weekend) but put her in a box and waved me off.
When we got home I put her in her new den. I had spent the
last week preparing it and I think she could sense my excitement because she
made a huge effort to sniff around before she collapsed in a corner. She got
sicker and sicker and I was really worried so I put her in a container and took
her to the vet. When mum and I arrived he wasn’t there and we waited an hour on
the floor of the waiting room for him with Lala getting progressively worse. He
said she had a fever, almost 40 degrees, and a virus and that it was impossible
that the worm tablet or flea treatment could make her so ill. He gave her two
injections and one huge shot of some fluids and nutrients under the skin on her
flank that were supposed to give her some hydration and sustenance while she
worked through the meds.
I took her home at around 17:00 and at 19:00 she died.
At 25 years old with a wealth of experiences under my belt I
am well aware that in the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal and
that I should just take it for what it is and chalk it up to experience. But
sitting here alone in this house, having just bleached away all memory of her 6
hours in my company I can’t help but feel so sad and lonely and responsible.
My night guard, who only started yesterday was an angel. He
waited with me while I pulled myself together and he checked on her when I
couldn’t and re-confirmed what I already knew, that she was gone. Then, when I
was ready he took her away so that I didn’t have to deal with her body and he
waited up while I cleaned her den and threw away anything dirty. I didn’t have
any money to tip him so he only got a Cadbury’s Cream Egg (if only he knew they
are worth their weight in gold to me). All the while I was balling like a baby.
He has probably already text all his friends to tell them that the crazy ‘vaza’
(foreigner) he works for is crying over a guard dog she has only had for one
day and I wonder if he will be so freaked out that he quits tomorrow. I hope he
doesn’t.
If only there was one of you here with me to make me a cup
of tea and tell me it wasn’t my fault, that I did all I could. To assure me
that I have bleached anything and everything she came into contact with so as
not to risk contaminates which could be dangerous when the kids come or if any
other dog crosses our path. I wish someone was here to share a Cream Egg with
me and talk to me about their day and the funny thing that happened on the
train or the gossip they heard at work just so I could think about something
else.
I feel so so stupid to be so upset by something so mundane
but I had really built up to her arrival and everyone knows I am such a sucker
for animals and a worrier too and I had been so ready to do everything right
and this was something I really didn’t need.
However, work continues to progress well and I am optimistic
about what we will achieve in the coming weeks. I am so fortunate and blessed
to be involved in this project and to have been allowed the opportunities I
have been given and, in all honesty, if this is the worst thing that happens to
me this year I will be a very very lucky girl.
Well, this is it for today. Possibly the most depressing
blog yet- it’s just that I thought if I wrote it down it would get it out of my
system and I wouldn’t feel so guilty and alone. I promise to pull my finger out
this week and actually update you on all the cool things that have been
happening here is Diego ASAP (I GET INTERNET TOMORROW SO THIS ACTUALLY BECOMES
FEASABLE THEN).
Till then goodnight from the pathetically snively girl
feeling unjustifiably sorry for herself curled up on her mattress on the floor
in a town very very far away.
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